King Riccardo of the candy kingdom wants to wants buy your design for a new siege engine! And you have an audience with him today at the gingerbread castle. What could possibly go wrong?

What is this? 

A half-assed (possible quarter-assed), floridl text adventure  about the perils of capitalism and dark patterns, made in that socialistic tool of the masses, Twine. Ripping off other game developers is abhorrent, but Twine is awesome. Go download it and make something! 

How long is a typical playthrough?

A typical game takes between 10 and 20 minutes. That's assuming the crass inanity doesn't drive you away after the first couple of screens. I wouldn't blame you if it did.

Who should play it?

Interested in building your vocabulary? Do crass, heavy-handed exercises that protest abuses of copyright law and corporate bullying appeal to you? Do you think an elaborate, narrative build-up for a puerile scatological pun is a worthy endeavor? If so, then this CandyJam game is for you!

Do you know there are typos?

It wouldn't be a quarter-assed effort if it didn't.

Is there really a real PayPal link inside?

Yes, there is, because Pretentious Designer Love for Rhetorical Poetics. However: you absolutely do not need to click on it in order to play the game, or even to get the "good" ending. You do not need to spend actual hard currency on Candy Boosters, for any reason, unless you want to. But why would you? That would be dumber than a game subtitled "Fudge Tunnel of Freedom," and that's pretty dumb.

Published Feb 13, 2014
Made withTwine
Tagscandyjam, crass, goofy, satire, text, Twine, vulgar
Average sessionA few minutes